The Poring of Light

After a very fun and eventful all-nighter I agreed to go to church with Birdy to hear Charming's lesson. Following an hour nap the three of us got up to get ourselves ready for church. I think I slept through all if not most of sacrament meeting. Afterward we slugged our way across the hall. Birdy and I took the front row and Charming took the head of the class. He was as handsome as ever in his suit jacket and tie, teaching the word of God. I don't remember the topic of the discussion but somewhere in that hour a light turned on and triggered a whole stream of thoughts and realizations. I had been becoming immune to my ability to distinguish good from bad one situation at a time. It was on that day, the 22 of April, that I decided I needed to make a change.

I went back to my apartment and prayed harder than I thought I could. I was finally seeing where I needed to go and I knew I had to do this for me. It took me 3 days to muster up the courage to pull away from Boy. I instantly felt like I was doing the right thing. But the pain I knew he felt tortured me day in and day out for a month before I finally accepted that it was for the better. 

I didn't dare entertain thoughts of being with Charming, not when we were so close to the end of the school year and long distance relationships never work for me. I decided to move on with out either of them. I was sure I could be a strong and independent woman. So strong I even fake married my best friend Birdy. I tried to ignore the depth of his blue eyes and the soft curl of his smile. I pushed away the feelings of comfort I felt being in his presence. I did everything I could but no matter how hard I tried I could not get him out of my head. I could feel the tugging on my heart the moment he walked into the same room as me. I couldn't resist the safety of his arms. In a matter of days I was in love and there was no denying it.